I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
