Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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