so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
