I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
