Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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