I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
