Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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