were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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