White coat. Heels.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
