I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
