i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
