My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
