Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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