just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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