Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
