hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
