i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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