you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
