She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
