lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
