Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
