I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
