I accidentally burped into my bong.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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