i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
