you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
