We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
