yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
