I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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