I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
