You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The adults are the big ones right?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
