Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
