please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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