Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
