Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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