you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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