We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
