Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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