1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
