i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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