it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
