Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
