I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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