Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
