i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
