I think im going to throw up on grandma
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
