i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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