he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
