You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
