my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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