she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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