I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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