i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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