walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
