I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
