dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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