i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
