so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
